In every office jungle, there exists a rare breed of professionals who have mastered the ancient art of looking incredibly busy while doing, well… not much at all. They move with purpose, their brows furrowed in deep concentration, and their screens are always filled with something convincingly work-like. Welcome to the world of corporate camouflage, where productivity is an illusion and perception is everything.
Step 1: Walk Fast, Look Stressed
If you want to appear busy, never—never—walk casually through the office. Instead, power-walk everywhere like you’re single-handedly keeping the company afloat. Hold a notebook, a few random papers, or even an empty coffee mug. Look slightly annoyed, like you just got off a high-stakes call with “corporate” (whoever they are). Bonus points if you sigh dramatically and shake your head at no one in particular.
Step 2: Master the Alt-Tab Reflex
Your computer screen is your greatest asset in the art of deception. Keep an actual work-related document open in one tab and whatever you really want to look at (fantasy football, vacation deals, cat memes) in another. The second you sense movement behind you—ALT + TAB—and voilà! You’re back to “reviewing reports.” For the pros, keep an Excel spreadsheet open at all times. No one questions spreadsheets.
Step 3: Schedule Back-to-Back “Meetings”
Meetings are the corporate equivalent of a magic trick—you can sit in a room for an hour, contribute almost nothing, and still walk out looking essential. To really sell it, schedule fake back-to-back meetings and make sure your calendar is fully booked. If anyone asks for your time, just sigh and say, “I’m swamped, back-to-back all day.” No one will dare question you.
Step 4: Master the “Deep Work” Face
There’s an unmistakable expression that separates the truly “busy” from the amateurs—it’s a mix of confusion, determination, and mild frustration, as if you’re solving world hunger using Excel formulas. Stare at your screen intensely, occasionally rub your temples, and every once in a while, mutter “Unbelievable” under your breath. No one will interrupt you if they think you’re dealing with something complex.
Step 5: The Well-Timed Email Bluff
Send an email at an odd hour—11:47 PM, 6:02 AM, or sometime on a Sunday. It doesn’t have to be important, just something like, “Circling back on this—let’s discuss next week.” The goal is to create the illusion that you never stop working. Your boss will see the timestamp and think, Wow, they’re really dedicated. Meanwhile, you were binge-watching a show and just set a delayed send.
Step 6: Be “Too Busy” for Small Talk
Nothing screams “I’m drowning in work” like cutting conversations short. If someone asks how your weekend was, respond with, “Ugh, didn’t even feel like a weekend. Just slammed with deadlines.” Shake your head for added effect and walk away before they can ask any follow-ups.
Step 7: The Emergency Phone Call Escape
When in doubt, pretend to take an urgent phone call. Answer your phone (even if it’s on silent), furrow your brow, and say something cryptic like, “Wait—are we still going with Option B? That changes everything.” Then walk briskly away like you’re off to handle corporate espionage.
Step 8: The Power of a Half-Written Email
For those moments when someone glances at your screen, always have an email draft open with something vague but official-looking—“Following up on our previous discussion regarding the deliverables…”—but never actually send it. It just sits there, an eternal work-in-progress, making you look like you’re in the trenches of productivity.
Step 9: The Printer Shuffle
Ah, the office printer. A relic of the past, yet still a powerful tool in your busy-looking arsenal. Walk over to it, press a few buttons, shake your head in disappointment, and mutter, “This thing never works!” Even if you didn’t print anything, no one will question it. Bonus move: Pick up a few random documents and carry them back to your desk like they contain top-secret business intelligence.
Step 10: The ‘Laptop at Lunch’ Strategy
You know who looks really busy? The person eating lunch with their laptop open. Doesn’t matter if you’re watching dog videos on YouTube—just furrow your brow, type aggressively every few minutes, and occasionally sigh like you’re closing million-dollar deals between bites of your sandwich.
For an extra touch of corporate genius, add an Excel sheet or a corporate dashboard in the background. Even if it’s nonsense, it looks important.
Step 11: The Strategic LinkedIn Activity
Post something inspirational on LinkedIn during work hours. Maybe a vague quote about leadership (“Success is not final; failure is not fatal—it is the courage to continue that counts.”). This accomplishes two things:
- Your boss sees you’re engaged in thought leadership.
- Your coworkers assume you’re networking for the company, not scrolling mindlessly.
Extra points if you add a hashtag like #GrowthMindset or #Synergy.
Step 12: The Instant ‘Task Switching’ Trick
Nothing screams “I’m in high demand” like switching between multiple tasks at lightning speed. Keep several tabs and documents open at once, randomly clicking between them every 10 seconds.
Someone approaches your desk? Minimize Slack, open Excel, and exclaim, “One sec, just wrapping this up!” This creates the illusion that you’re juggling a million things when, in reality, you’re just cycling between spreadsheets and Spotify.
Step 13: The ‘Deliberately Overcomplicated Explanation’
If someone asks what you’re working on, respond with something so convoluted that they immediately regret asking. Example:
“Oh, just compiling cross-departmental KPIs for the Q3 strategic review while cross-referencing market trends to optimize our operational efficiencies in alignment with projected fiscal goals.”
Boom. Conversation over. No follow-up questions.
Step 14: The “Can We Circle Back?” Escape
If cornered into a real conversation about work, deploy the classic “Can we circle back on this?” It makes you sound engaged while buying you time to actually figure out what they’re talking about.
If pressed further, escalate with:
“I need to check a few dependencies first. Let me loop you in once I get alignment on this.”
No one knows what that means, but it sounds so official that people will just nod and walk away.
Step 15: The Late-Night Email Power Move
Few things say “I am dedicated” like an email sent at 11:58 PM. You don’t even have to do any actual work—just type something like:
“Hey team, let’s touch base first thing tomorrow on this. Attaching some notes for review.”
Then attach literally anything—a blank Word document, an old report, a screenshot of a random graph. The important part is the timestamp, not the content.
Step 16: The ‘Accidental’ Teams/Slack Status Update
Change your status to something subtly dramatic, like:
✅ “In Deep Work Mode”
⚠️ “Tied up in meetings—will respond ASAP!”
⏳ “Working on a tight deadline—bear with me!”
This accomplishes two things:
- People think you’re buried in work.
- People won’t bother you (which, ironically, reduces your workload).
Step 17: The Strategic ‘Catch-Up’ Email
Every now and then, send an email with the subject “Quick Follow-Up on This” to a coworker. Don’t specify what “this” is. Let them do the detective work.
If they reply confused, just say, “No worries, I think I found the info I needed!” Boom. You look proactive without actually doing anything.
Final Thoughts: The Illusion of Productivity is an Art
At the end of the day, corporate camouflage isn’t about slacking—it’s about survival. The ability to look busy while conserving actual effort is a skill that separates office warriors from the amateurs.
So go forth, my fellow professionals, and remember: It’s not about how much work you do—it’s about how busy you look while doing it.
Disclaimer: Read Responsibly, Laugh Liberally
The contents of this essay are purely for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as actual career advice—unless, of course, your goal is to become a workplace illusionist. In that case, best of luck.
We firmly believe in hard work, productivity, and delivering real results (or at least looking like we are). This guide is meant to highlight what not to do—even if some of you may recognize a few of these tactics in your own office.
If you find yourself nodding along a little too enthusiastically, it may be time for some self-reflection (or at least a performance review). Remember, your boss might be watching—so pretend you’re reading this as part of a deep-dive into workplace efficiency strategies.
Now, get back to work! Or at least make it look like you are.
