Ah, the office printer—a machine so unreliable that even Wi-Fi feels jealous of its inconsistency. It is the one piece of office equipment that no one trusts, yet everyone depends on. If your company has a printer that actually works without a meltdown, congratulations—you work at a unicorn startup, and I need to see proof.
But for the rest of us, let’s break down why every office has that one printer that simply refuses to do its job.
Step 1: The Illusion of Functionality
At first glance, the printer looks completely fine. It’s plugged in, has paper, and the little green light is blinking as if it’s ready for action. This is a lie. The moment you actually need it—whether for an important meeting or that last-minute report—it will immediately fail spectacularly.
- Need black ink? It demands cyan.
- Need one copy? It prints 200.
- Need a quick print? Better set aside an hour.
- Out of paper? No, it’s not. It just wants attention.
And just when you think you’ve fixed it, it gives you an error message in a language no one understands.
Step 2: The Mysterious ‘Paper Jam’ That Doesn’t Exist
Every office printer has a signature move: the ghost paper jam. You open every panel, shake the tray, and even call IT, but there is no paper jam. The printer is just gaslighting you.
And if you do find a single crumpled sheet hiding inside? Congratulations, you are now the office printer technician.
Step 3: The IT Summoning Ritual
When all else fails, it’s time to call IT support—the brave souls who have seen things no one should ever see.
Step 1: They ask, “Did you try turning it off and on again?”
Step 2: You say yes. They don’t believe you.
Step 3: They press the same button you just pressed, and suddenly, it works.
No one knows how they do it. Theories suggest IT teams have a secret deal with the printers—or maybe they just threaten it in a language only machines understand.
Step 4: The Printer’s Favorite Game – The Last-Minute Breakdown
The printer has perfect timing. It works fine when you’re printing random memes for your desk. But the moment you have to print out 50 copies for an important client meeting? Boom—fatal error.
Some say printers have a built-in “stress detector” and know exactly when to strike. Others believe they’re just pure evil.
Step 5: The Inevitable Replacement That Changes Nothing
Eventually, after years of suffering, management finally orders a new printer. Everyone celebrates.
Two weeks later, it’s just as broken as the last one.
Because the truth is, printers aren’t meant to work. They exist only to test our patience, ruin our deadlines, and remind us that despite all our technological advancements, we are still at the mercy of a machine from the 90s.
So next time you’re standing in front of the office printer, begging it to just print one simple page, remember this:
👉 It knows. It enjoys your suffering. And it is never, ever going to change.
Disclaimer
This article was printed successfully on the first attempt… said no one ever. Any resemblance to your actual office printer is not coincidental—it’s just how all printers operate under an unspoken universal law of frustration. If this article offends your printer, don’t worry—it won’t be able to print a strongly worded response anyway.
