Ah, the **”quick call”—**a phrase so misleading it should come with a legal disclaimer. You joined this call expecting a 5-minute check-in, but now it’s been 47 minutes, your coffee is cold, and you’ve started contemplating your life choices.
Why do quick calls never stay quick? And more importantly, how do you survive one without losing your sanity? Let’s break it down.
Step 1: The False Sense of Security
It always starts the same way:
🔹 “Let’s hop on a quick call.”
🔹 “This won’t take long.”
🔹 “Just a few minutes of your time.”
Lies. All of them. You should have known better, but hope is a dangerous thing.
You join the call, expecting to get straight to the point. Instead, you spend the first 10 minutes waiting for everyone to join while listening to someone’s heavy breathing and another person struggling with their “Hello? Can you hear me?” moment.
Step 2: The Rabbit Hole of Unnecessary Discussions
Now, the real pain begins. The agenda was supposed to be one simple topic. Instead, the conversation spirals into chaos.
👨💼 Someone brings up a completely unrelated issue.
👩💻 Someone else decides this is the perfect time to “circle back” on something from last week.
📊 A third person starts sharing their screen to walk through a 17-slide PowerPoint nobody asked for.
At this point, you realize time has lost all meaning.
Step 3: The Silent Suffering Phase
Around the 30-minute mark, you accept your fate. You go into stealth survival mode.
- Fake head nods. No one can see you, but it makes you feel involved.
- “Hmm, good point.” Say this every 10 minutes to seem engaged.
- Check your email, scroll through social media, mentally plan dinner. No one will notice.
Meanwhile, the person who called the meeting is still talking, oblivious to the collective suffering.
Step 4: The Desperate Attempt to Escape
Eventually, someone tries to leave.
🗣 “Alright, I think that covers everything…” (Narrator: It did not.)
Just as you think you’re free, someone asks a ‘quick question,’ instantly adding another 20 minutes to the call.
At this point, you have two choices:
- Mute yourself and scream internally.
- Pretend your Wi-Fi is cutting out and disappear. (Respect to the brave souls who attempt this.)
Step 5: The Painful Conclusion
After one full hour, the host finally says the magic words:
🔹 “Alright, let’s wrap this up.” (Oh, NOW you want to?)
🔹 “We’ll take this offline.” (You won’t.)
🔹 “I’ll send a follow-up email.” (Please, don’t.)
The call ends. You sit in stunned silence, questioning everything. You could have been so productive, but instead, you were held hostage by ‘a quick call.’
Final Thoughts: Accepting the Inevitability
The truth is, quick calls are a myth, much like “work-life balance” and “HR being on your side.” The sooner you accept that a quick call will never be quick, the easier it becomes to survive.
So next time you hear “Let’s just do a quick call,” take a deep breath, grab some snacks, and settle in. You’re not escaping anytime soon.
Disclaimer
This call was scheduled to be a five-minute discussion, but much like assembling IKEA furniture or “just checking one email,” it spiraled out of control. Any resemblance to actual meetings in your workplace is completely intentional. If you find yourself triggered by this article, don’t worry—we can hop on a quick call to discuss it. 😏
